(One of my dad’s favorite sayings was “you’re as funny as a screen door on a submarine” and this song grew from there.)

Screen doors and submarines, matches and gasoline
Mud pies and keeping clean
Don’t go together
Diets and chocolate cake, bus rides and bellyaches
Bare feet and rattlesnakes
Don’t go together

Some things do, some things don’t
Some things will and others won’t
But you and me, we’ll always be
Like peanut butter and jelly

Crocodiles and swimming pools, heat waves and keeping cool
Good grades and skipping school
Don’t go together
Sunshine and rainy days, ice cream and mayonnaise
Banjos and “Purple Haze”
Don’t go together

Picnics and hungry ants, punk rock and disco dance
Grass stains and brand new pants
Don’t go together
“Smells good” and garbage cans, sno-cones and frying pans
Kryptonite and Superman
Don’t go together